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motherhood

10 Top Tips: How to Study and be a Mother Working

Just before having my second child I decided and discussed with my family to study a doctorate. My husband chuckled in his typical danish humour 'you never stop wanting to learn' and I rebutted 'is that a bad thing.' 5 years later and it was the best thing I did for many reasons. Not least I found from my passion a way to help other mothers, and my 'why' was to give more women time in their day.

If you are a busy mother working and you are making the choice of can I? Shall I? You may find my tips and learnings useful.

1. Assess if it’s right for you and your family?

a. Sacrifice

• Ask yourself what you want to do and why you want to do it? In that process challenge yourself really why, and are there other ways to get there? An academic qualification may not be the only way to achieve your goal. Then if it is what you want, are you willing to give up your time when the children go to bed? Are you willing to give up some of your time with your partner? Is it worth it? Dependent on your answer, it may be that it is not the right time for you to study.

b. Passion (1)

• Are you passionate about it? If you are not – do not do it. Life is too short to waste time on the things that we are not passionate about.

c. Routine

• Do you have a routine that would enable you to study?

• Do you have structured sleep times that you can guarantee regular time to study?

• Do you know on the whole that your kids sleep well? So that you have energy to focus.

• Do you have regular travel times on public transport that facilitate regular reading and or study time? Or do you have any other time that is not being utilised?

If the answer is yes to the first two points, then you can organise the time resources necessary. The final bullet is a bonus. It may not be how other students might work, but 2-3 hours a night adds up to 14 – 21 hours a week.

2. Initial Investigation

• Investigate what possible courses are available that provide different options: location near home, online, opportunity to defer, mixture of assignments and exam, the languages you can take it in, past students outcomes/ successes (call the course supervisor or dean), resources and cost. Analyse and prioritise the option/s that you can then discuss with your support framework - family.

3. Support framework

• Ask the same questions about sacrifice to your family: partner and kids, and are they willing to support you? It has to be a joint decision because if not the times when you need to have your head down to get an assignment finished, and you are unavailable to them could lead to resentment.

• Is there anything that you can add to support you? Can grandparents help? Can you afford outside help: a babysitter, au pair or nanny? Think these things through because there is a lot of time involved.

4. Cost

• It may not be cheap! There can be scholarships available but be realistic because parenthood is also not cheap. Research funds and make a budget plan accordingly.

If you are willing to make the sacrifice, identified that there is a routine that would facilitate study and support. Then move on to the next stage ‘Design’

5. Design 'a way of working' into your life that will make you successful?

a. Where

• Pick the physical or virtual location to study that makes sense to you. I choose to study in the city that I now reside. I sometimes travel with my job, so as a family it would be an extra burden to go away to university weekends. There are 11 compact weekends in total, but each one I am home for breakfast, and can spend time with my family in the evening. A work colleague suggested going to Copenhagen to study, but what was more important to me was limiting the impact on my family. Secondly, a doctorate is not marked as traditional exams or coursework. Essentially your body of work has to be accepted by the experts, so in this context the place became irrelevant. This may not be true for all qualifications, but it is something to take into account.

b. Organise

• Go through and request the timetable for the course that you decided on. Put all the assignment dates in your diary, and make a plan ahead of time that allows you to meet the deadlines. Strangely, 1 single man has dropped out the doctorate and 2 people have been late with assignments out of 9 people. I am not aware of their full circumstances, but what works for me, is the scheduling of assignments and their completion in advance. I cannot afford to wait until the last minute. I have to dedicate time to it regularly; no excuses.

I have had to push back as I have a full time job.  It was important to understand what is realistic, and prioritise.  In my case work took the priority and I extended my doctorate for another year, doing it all was not possible.  It was not about how fast I completed, but completing with a healthy family and healthy me.

6. Tools

• If you haven’t already you will need a dedicated machine just for you and your study, and I highly recommend an Ipad with a kindle app, or kindle. The ability to read anywhere and everywhere that you have a free moment means that you can maximise your research and analysis time, boosting your productivity.

Use Your Network

• Mummies are the most powerful and resourceful network. We all make choices and I know Mummies who are blissfully raising their children that were lawyers, copy writers, teachers, HR Directors, CEO’s and the list goes on. Reach out for help. I needed someone to proof read my research proposal. I stopped counting after 8 people stepped forward. The value they added was colossal, because they provided a second pair of eye’s to: grammar, clarity and even built on the process.

7. Do it in a way that makes you successful.

8. Family

• Check in with your family how it is working and if there anything that would help each other? Overall my family is so proud of me. There have been times where we have had to make sure that we both get a break.

Reality Check

• The good thing about studying later on in life is actually I am no longer an anal perfectionist. I work hard at it and do many drafts, but there is a point where I say ‘that assignment’ will have to be enough as I want to play with my son and daughter.

9. Passion (2)

• If you are doing a thesis make sure the topic is what you are passionate about. My topic is how to develop talent in children. When I was on maternity leave with my second child I was so engrossed in the subject that I would sit down to research, and then before I knew it, it was time to pick up my daughter from kindergarten.

Be clear what success looks like, and it is not what you think!

10. Outcome

• Be clear that this does not define you. It may help you to get to a goal but success does not come in the form of a job title, or degree. How you live, experience life and the difference you make to the people you meet is success. It could be as simple as you need a mental challenge, or you want to make a difference in a certain field. So if this helps you in how you live and experience your life then go for it.

The original article was actually published earlier on in my studies, to help and support other mothers.

There are two outcomes from my study:

  1. Research on adulthood success from childhood, to put it short parental attachment is statistically significant.
  2. What I did not have was automation of the crappy, pesky chores or the things that drain time.

Why I don't dress up for flights

A while back there was an article circulating of some guys boasting of getting dressed for flights to make a good impression and meet people.

 

I remember reacting and frankly wanting to spew.

It's just gone 13:00 on a Sunday and I'm sat in economy for a 12 hour flight to LA in jeans and a top.

Each to their own but I want to present the other side of flying in comfort.

Time with the family 

We left our house at 10:00 to ensure that we got to Zurich airport for 11:00.  As a working Mum it wasn't just me going and preparing for my trip:visa, transfer, hotel, presentations to review on the plane. It was also preparing the family. They needed breakfast and we needed time together before my husband is about to have a very hectic week. So getting a shower and putting on my jeans and a top, rather than get dressed up pretentiously for a very long flight gives me more time for the family.

Comfort

Frankly many companies no longer do business travel. As awful as that is and will be left for another debate, comfortable clothes are crucial because it is impossible for me to sleep in economy.  This would be fine if I was going on holiday and could lay in, or relax.  In reality I have to hit the ground running work 12 + hours when I land, as if there was no time difference.

Inner versus exterior

Frankly if I relied on the exterior presence of someone to see whether to make a connection I would have missed out on a lot of good conversations in life.  Sometimes we are running out of the house after getting the kids to school, to a party or ensuring they know they are safe and loved before you go away for 5 sleeps. Sleeps is the way my kids know how long I am gone and Mummy is always going to come back. On my flight to New York I made friends with a nurse moving to Zurich eventually after her wedding to a Swiss Italian. On this flight I've met two great guys one in khakis and the other in jeans. The point is don't judge a book by its cover. If you feel you need to dress up fine, but if you're comfortable just bring yourself stay with that especially if you are on a long flight.

Overall I'm glad that this is my first long haul business trip in 6 months (excluding personal travel). As a mother there's nothing more important to me to being present, to having our family balance and for the majority of the time sitting at the dinner table finding out about our days at Kita (nursery), Chinski (kindergarten) and work.

Being a mother who thrives on purpose, challenge, direction and the happiness of her family can have its challenges.

Sitting in jeans on a 12 hour flight is not one of them, there are too many important things to do, like having the maximum cuddles with my kids and being open to making connections with authenticity.

 

My own Priority Pass is a saviour from the constant economy travelling for business #travellingmumtip #prioritypass

My own Priority Pass is a saviour from the constant economy travelling for business #travellingmumtip #prioritypass

Up there I do get me time, and connecting time but in reality after a 12 hr flight you feel physically sick unable to sleep.  Jeans or no jeans is irrelevant.

Up there I do get me time, and connecting time but in reality after a 12 hr flight you feel physically sick unable to sleep.  Jeans or no jeans is irrelevant.

Economy space is cramped. #comfort 

Economy space is cramped. #comfort 

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