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relationships

Date nights and why they are important

Date nights and why they are important

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Date Nights Sacred

After our second child we also moved house to a new area and lost our trusted babysitter.  There was also a period of adjustment to be able to look after two children.  The re-initiation of nappies, bottle feeding and weaning with time for ourselves after the kids went to bed at eight.  It would have been all too easy to just carry on in that direction.

I decided to get help and that meant that we could bring back a permanent date night, and what a difference it made.  It has given us the opportunity to reconnect regularly, with the ability for it to either be just the two of us, or meet and reconnect with friends.  Of course we connect on a daily basis, but the depth of connection is different when you are focused on the kids asking them about their day at kindergarten, weaning our second child which involves 40% of the food being dropped on the floor, playing puzzles, bath time and bed.  By the time parent time arrives at 20.00pm we cuddle up and chill. Friday nights is different we have the energy to debate topics like when we were dating from politics, religion, economics, the arts to social issues.  We have the chance to laugh and joke from an adult perspective.  We have the chance to understand how each other’s lives are going, and help and adjust for each other.  We also get to do the things we love eating out, the cinema and being with friends.

While this may only be a few hours a week to some, the date night is what ensures our world fits together. 

My biggest recommendation is to make time to reconnect.

Balance a new equation - 5 reasons your career is not = to success

Balance a new equation - 5 reasons your career is not = to success

The Balance Equation

Balance

  • Your career will not secure your health. Indeed nothing will, but time spent on exercise, nutrition and a healthy balance will lead to better long-term health.
  • Your career will not build the personal relationship with your family and friends.  Some of the biggest regrets have been time with partners, or children.  On their death bed no one ever said “I wish I would have spent more time on my job.”
  • Your career will not pick you up, or look after you when you are sick or feeling low.  I have had 2 friends who have recently burnt out.  This has led to some deep reflection of what do I have?  What does it mean?  They realise that all these years of focus on the wrong thing has cost them a lot.
  • Your career will not support you emotionally in retirement.  My mum retired this year she has worked hard since the age of 15, but always had a balance.  Every time I call home she is out catching up with old school friends, friends, salsa, at yoga and next year she is travelling for 6 months.  She has friendships that she has vested in for over 60 years, and which still give her a rich emotional quality of life.
  • Your career is not there in the morning to give you cuddles or long lasting memories. Your partner and children are.

Yes a career can provide financial stability, and a sense of achievement in the mental stimulation that a person may need, and the results they deliver.  It may even provide connections to people who become lifelong friends.  However, it is the actions outside of our career that provide the physical and emotional requirements that we need.  To live a truly balanced life we should not let that mental and financial requirement supersede the physical and emotional needs.

The next level of complexity is that it is not just about your financial, physical, emotional and mental requirements that provide balance. It is the balance of your requirements and whoever else exits in your unit for example: your partner, and children.

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